The Bear Facts

They're coming!. They eat a lot. Their breath smells. And they're hairy No, no, I don't mean tourists. I mean black bears.

They're coming out of hibernation. And, after a long winter, they're very  hungry and are headed straight for your bird feeders and your garbage. Of 1,000 complaints about black bears in 2012, 40 percent involved bears raiding unsecured garbage at homes and businesses. Another 10 percent related to bird feeders.

The New Hampshire Fish and Game Department offers the following advice:

• Keep  garbage in airtight containers inside your garage or storage area. Double bagging and the use of ammonia will reduce odors that attract bears.

• Garbage for pickup should be put outside the morning of collection and not the night before.

Also,  take down, clean, and store bird feeders by early April and don't put them back up until the onset of prolonged winter weather. That's bad news for folks who like to watch birds at the feeder during the summer. But our feathered friends do just fine without us because natural foods are plentiful during the warmer months.

Heresy Alert: I'm happier without a bird feeder than I was when I had one in the backyard. As is common knowledge, squirrels are smarter than humans, so a bird feeder soon becomes a squirrel feeder. After suffering  a series of ignominious defeats at the hands of squirrels, I surrendered to them. The squirrels left in triumph and took with them mice and voles.

Bears are even more challenging than squirrels. According to the Fish and Game Department, "Bears are clever. This coupled with their strength and agility, makes it very difficult to establish bear-proof bird feeders."

Most people know that black bears are shy and generally avoid people. But, a sub-species of humans, commonly known as fools, insist on intruding upon black bears by intentionally feeding them or  getting too close to them. Note to these witless wonders: It is illegal to intentionally feed bears.

In an extremely rare event, a woman in Florida was recently attacked by a black bear.  What follows are some rules for dealing with bears should you happen upon one (Rheanna Murray, ABC News, 2/14/14).

Don't play dead. (Of course, if the shock of encountering a bear caused a heart attack, I might not just be playing dead.)  Simply stop moving and the bear will stop attacking (I fervently hope).

Wildlife biologist Bill Stiver advises making some noise if a bear approaches. (For example, I would have no trouble screaming.) "Clapping your hands, yelling - even throwing things is appropriate," Stiver said. "You're trying to scare it away before it gets too close. Get a big stick, some rocks. Bang pots and pans."

"Bears will back away from the clatter. Wave your arms and stand as tall as possible to make yourself appear larger." (Wait a minute.  I was hoping just to creep away unnoticed.)  "If you're with a group of people, stand together" (preferably in the middle).

Stiver advises "Stand your ground. You can't outrun a bear" (my brain might understand that, but my feet won't). And don't climb a tree because bears are pretty good climbers.

Drop any food you're holding, and pocket smartphones and cameras. (Selfies with bears are not a good idea.)

Stiver concludes, "You're basically trying to show the bear you're not afraid of it" (oh, really).

All kidding aside, Stiver's advice is pretty sound. Remember that attacks by the black bears we find in the Northeast are extremely rare. They are by nature timid and tend to avoid humans. And if you don't leave food lying around, bears will leave you alone if you leave them alone.

Gary Patton is the author of "Outtastatahs: Newcomers' Adventures in New Hampshire." "Outtastatahs" can be purchased at River Run Bookstore in Portsmouth; the Galley Hatch Restaurant gift shop in Hampton; The Water Street Bookstore in Exeter; Gibson's Bookstore in Concord and on-line at barnesandnoble.com. Both paper and Kindle versions can be obtained at amazon.com.